Tuesday, August 15, 2006

My First Bestseller

Today I am feeling pretty good for being in month No. 8. I got some prescription meds last week that completely took away my heartburn and I am elated! But feeling good today has somehow turned my mind back to all the months gone past that were not so great. Very, very, baaaaaaaad, in fact. How did I manage to make it through all those weeks?! I guess it's because I know that at the end of these grueling ten months, we'll get to hold a [hopefully] healthy, beautiful baby in our arms.

So there's a book called "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that I have read each month of my pregnancy as its chapters are organized. It is very informative and seems to cover every aspect and situation for the mom-to-be. But I thought I might give you my own, condensed, less structured and less scholarly version... I'll call it, "Pregnancy: It's Good, It's Bad... But Let's Not Kid Ourselves - It's Mostly Bad."

Chapter 1 - The First Month
Congrats, you're pregnant. Stop eating what you like because you actually don't like it anymore. Go ahead and get out the oversized warm-up pants and big t-shirts. Let's face it, you may not be "showing" because your baby is only the size of a pencil tip, but you are bloated and you do look like crap. Again, congratulations.

Chapter 2 - Months Two and Three (and probably Four thru Six)
Good morning. Wait! Don't get up, silly girl. Eat some crackers first or you're going to hurl. Didn't help? Yeah, it doesn't. Nothing does really. You're going to feel queasy all day long and you're probably gonna get sick every three hours, too. How long does it go on? An eternity. Stay out of the car. Not fun. Best just to stay close to the bathroom. You're going to be either going No. 1 or getting sick like it's your job.

Chapter 3 - Months Four, Five and Six
Still nauseous? Thought so. Good luck with that. Don't you miss sleeping on your stomach?! Try not to drop anything because it's going to hurt to bend over. Feel like you're losing your mind? You are. Oh, and those stabbing pains? Those are your insides stretching apart. Fun times.

Chapter 4 - Months Seven and Eight
Nausea finally subsided? Shoo! Thank goodness. Oh wait, here comes the fire in your esophagus. Hey, don't lay down whatever you do. Might as well fall asleep in a chair. I know you're sweating buckets, you can't breathe and the baby is stomping on your bladder. Everyone else [including your darling husband who got you into this in the first place] is feeling fine and having a grand ol' time, so suck it up! Careful sneezing or laughing now, that bladder of yours is pretty compressed! We don't want any embarrassing accidents! But hey, woohoo! You're in your third trimester, right? Don't get too excited, three more months is a loooooong time. Will this EVER end?

Chapter 5 - Months Nine and Beyond
Can you still see your feet? Can you roll out of bed without wincing in pain? Can you walk up a flight of stairs or stand in the heat without passing out? If so, good for you. If not, hang in there. Just a few more weeks of torture!


THE END.



Now, isn't that motivating? And I didn't even mention stretch marks, constipation, back pain, dizziness, emotional breakdowns, fatigue and oh my goodness, labor itself! OK, I must apologize that it's all negative. I know my title had something about "The Good" in there somewhere. Here's The Good:


1. You are creating a life. I know, it's a long, hard process, but how amazing!
2. An excuse to be fat.
3. People always seem to be a bit nicer to you.
4. The baby can't possible stay in there forever.


OK, now THE END.


(NOTE: This was only meant for comic relief for those who can sympathize, or those who will want to keep the birth control handy, ha, ha. I know that lots of people who can't have any children would long to have all these symptoms and pains. And I really feel very, very blessed to be expecting our little Abby Kate. I know it will all be worth it. Right????)

10 comments:

Brandon & Carolyn Schroder said...

Still mad at Sommer she bought that for you- that's my trademark gift! Geesh. But glad it's been sooo very helpful.

Can't wait for my turn... i am so motivated now. Where's Brandon... lets go.

Kasey Moreman said...

Ok...You are SO right! The funny thing is we decided it would be fun to do it AGAIN!! I forgot how miserable it was until it was too late to correct it! Now, on top of all the pains you mentioned, I spend my time chasing a two-year old around! Fun times!! But he was worth it and I know this next one will be too! Hang in there...when the baby is about 3 months old, you finally feel good again. Talk to you soon! Kasey

Kim said...

Yes, Casey, she'll be worth it. But also thanks for all the reminders as I'm now glad I'm not pregnant again yet. Although Lord-willing it won't be too long before I start down that road again. Once you are holding and caring for Abby Kate all that stuff won't matter and you'll definitely say you'd do it all again. I'll be praying for you these next several weeks. I'll try to reflect how I survived month 9+ and let you know what I remember. Don't forget to keep doing your Kegel exercises!! That's a must do in prep for the labor but it doesn't always stop the sneezing/laughing problem. I had a severe cough in my 7th month! Let me just say I could've used a towel in my driver's seat! The fun of pregnancy. Love, Kim

whitney said...

thanks. i'll being going to CVS to refill that birth control prescription today.

whit

Lyndsay Smith said...

Um, OK...thanks for that tidbit of encouragement to take that already huge, scary leap in life! 'Preciate you doing it first so you can let me know how "great" it is! She'll be here before you know it and, hopefully, you'll forget all the down sides to pregnancy.

Mom said...

I promise you she will be worth it. After all, I had that morning sickness and such with you and look what I got. (A beautiful, adorable, smart little girl. Who is now a beautiful, adorable, talented and smart young woman.) It won't be much longer. Hang in there.

Lori said...

Casey, that is hilarious!!! When I was pregnant with Hannah, I felt like I was the only woman in the world who didn't thoroughly enjoy the nine months of pregnancy. The process is long and uncomfortable, and you reach a point where you are absolutely miserable. My friends would say, "oh I loved being pregnant!" or "I miss being pregnant," and it just made me feel crazy. Though the act of having a person grow inside you is completely amazing and a gift from God, I was much more happy to push Hannah out than carry her around inside me!

Hang in there!

Marge and Brent said...

Ha Ha- and I've been telling Brent I want four! Maybe it's time to look into the process of adoption. But you are doing great, hang in there! I know, easy for me to say I still only have the two puppies. You may feel like crap, but you can't tell, you look great!

Chad and Sommer Tucker said...

Now that is an extremely accurate description of pregnancy. I would have to agree with Lori, I don't understand those woman that say they love being pregnant. I couldn't wait to get Griffin out!! However, the book is a missing chapter. Chapter 6: Postpartum Pain & Sleep Deprivation: need I say more
However, then there is this new bundle of joy by your side everyday and it make it all worth it! Seriously, it is absolutely amazing and I can't wait for you to experience it. Your mom is right, you are an amazing person and you are going to be an amazing mom!

joel and amy said...

Casey:

You are very right! I never like being pregnant, but I am on my fourth time! So now, instead of being able to take a nap, I am chasing a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and an almost 1 year old!!! We must be crazy! You will be ready to do it again as soon as you know it!

Amy